Good thought :)
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Posted:Jul 9, 2010 10:39 am
Last Updated:May 5, 2011 3:56 pm
7764 Views
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Tryin' to tell a woman what to do in her house is like trying to baptize a cat 
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GO BLUE... :)
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Posted:Sep 26, 2009 2:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 21, 2009 10:51 am
7694 Views
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Way to go MICHIGAN WOLVERINES..
GO BLUE!!!
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MMM.. The olympics
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Posted:Sep 10, 2008 1:18 pm
Last Updated:May 4, 2010 7:33 am
8179 Views
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Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during! her wa rm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what! have I just said?'
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Women
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Posted:Sep 9, 2008 6:34 am
Last Updated:Sep 9, 2008 12:38 pm
7696 Views
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"Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply "
If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.
If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.
If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.
If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.
" So - if you give her any crap, you will receive a ton of shit."
Love and appreciate all the women in your life|-
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GO BLUE
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Posted:Sep 6, 2008 3:34 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2008 8:43 am
7977 Views
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Woohoooo.. U of M won today.. I'm sure all of you who read this will be just as excited as I am about the Wolverines winning today
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Curious as hell
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Posted:Sep 5, 2008 6:30 am
Last Updated:Oct 15, 2008 5:41 am
7920 Views
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I'm getting more curious as the days go by, to be with another female.. I am nervous as hell.. not sure how to approach the situation, being shy does not help..
Any suggestions?
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BOOTY CALL....lengthy but funny
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Posted:Sep 3, 2008 3:00 pm
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2008 5:01 am
8406 Views
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Subject: FW: Colonoscopy Journal
Some things you have to pass on…
ABOUT THE WRITER
Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for the Miami Herald.
This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy journal:
I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtful ly, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!"
I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.
I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter
plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.
The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.
MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.
After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.
At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually nake d.
Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this is, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.
When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the least appropriate.
'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.
I have no idea. Re ally. I slept through it. One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.
On the subject of Colonoscopies...
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fi t, you must quit!
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all....
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
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Happy HUMP Day
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Posted:Aug 20, 2008 11:29 am
Last Updated:Sep 11, 2008 5:02 am
7927 Views
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Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.
The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story Of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?' Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'
The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!' Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the Ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, Saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.' Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'
The blond replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.' Bob took the money......
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My Living Will :)~
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Posted:Jun 26, 2008 6:42 am
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2008 4:49 am
7639 Views
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Last night, my friend and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
'
She got up, unplugged the Computer, and threw out my wine.
She's such a bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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MY PRIVATE PART DIED :)~
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Posted:Jun 26, 2008 4:08 am
Last Updated:Jun 27, 2008 3:25 am
7683 Views
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An old man, Mr. Wallace, was living in a nursing home.
One day he appeared to be very sad and depressed.
Nurse Tracy asked him if there was anything wrong,
Yes, Nurse Tracy ,' said Mr. Wallace.
'My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.'
Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little
crazy,
She replied, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Wallace. Please accept my
condolences.'
The following day, Mr. Wallace was walking down the hall with his
Private Part
hanging out of his pajamas.
He met Nurse Tracy. 'Mr. Wallace,' she said,
'You shouldn't be walking down the hall like that.
Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.'
But, Nurse Tracy I can't,' replied Mr. Wallace.
'I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.
'Yes,' said Nurse Tracy, 'you did tell me that,
But why is it hanging out of your pajamas?'
(You've gotta love this ) 'Well,' he replied, 'Today is the viewing.'
IF YOU ARE NOT LAUGHING SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOU
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Too Funny for Friday...
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Posted:Jun 20, 2008 7:15 am
Last Updated:Jun 25, 2008 5:24 am
7893 Views
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The sense of freshness...
A new supermarket opened in Topeka, KS. It has an automatic Water
mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear
the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience
the scent of fresh mown hay.
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks
with onions.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the
air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh
baked bread & cookies.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more!!!
As if...
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Happy Friday
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Posted:Jun 20, 2008 3:58 am
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2008 7:02 am
7656 Views
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Thanks to all my friends who sent Birthday wishes this week..
Hope you all have a terrific weekend...
Big smiles!!
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Blonde :)
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Posted:Jun 16, 2008 8:28 am
Last Updated:Jun 17, 2008 10:37 am
7577 Views
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A Blonde goes over to her friend's house wearing a T.GI.F. tee-shirt.
Her friend asks: 'Why are you wearing a Thank GOD It's
Friday tee-shirt on Monday?'
'Oh, crap!' the blonde says. 'I didn't realize it was a
religious T-shirt. I thought it meant 'Tits Go In Front
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To link to this blog (shyone061664) use [blog shyone061664] in your messages.
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