No Christmas this Year!!!!!
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Posted:Dec 17, 2011 3:06 pm
Last Updated:Jan 3, 2012 1:12 am
15040 Views
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Twas the night before Christmas - Old Santa was pissed,
he cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works.
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
instead of thank Santa, what do I hear?
The old lady bitches, cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money - the reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk, and goosed all the maids,
Donner is pregnant, and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better,
those assholes from IRS sent me a letter.
They say I owe taxes - if that ain't damn funny,
who the hell ever sent Santa Clause any money?
And the these days - they are all just the pits,
they want the impossible, those mean little shits..
I spent my whole year, making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls, their arms, legs, and heads..
I made a ton of yo-yo's, with no requests for them,
They want software and computers, they think I'm IBM!
If you think that's bad, just picture this,
try holding those brats, with their pants full of piss!
They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard,
And if I don't smile, the parents think I'm weird.
Flying through the air, dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys, and skinning my knees.
I'm quitting this job, there is just no enjoyment,
I'll sit on my fat ass, and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year, you now know the reason,
I've found me a blonde, I'm going SOUTH for the season!!
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Drunk Night Before Christmas
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Posted:Dec 15, 2011 4:42 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2011 4:07 pm
14328 Views
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'Twas the night after Christmas, and boy, what a house!
I felt like the devil, and so did my spouse.
The eggnog and turkey and candy were swell,
But ten hours later they sure gave me hell.
The stockings weren't hung by the chimney with care.
The darn things were sprawled on the back of a chair.
The were nestled all snug in their bed,
And I had a large cake of ice on my head.
When at long last I dozed off in a nap,
The ice woke me up as it fell in my lap.
For some unknown reason I wanted a drink,
So I started in feeling my way to the sink.
I got along fine 'til I stepped on the cat.
I cannot recall what occurred after that.
When I came to, the house was all flooded with light,
Although under the table I was high as a kite.
While visions of sugar plums danced in my head,
I somehow got up and climbed back into bed.
Then what to my wandering mind should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
Then the sleigh seemed to change to a mammoth fire truck,
And each reindeer turned into a bleary-eyed buck.
I knew in a moment it must be old Nick.
I tried to cry out, but my tongue was too thick.
The old devil whistled and shouted with glee,
While each buck pawed the earth and looked daggers at me.
Then he called them by name and the names made me shudder.
When I heard them I felt like a ship minus rudder.
"Now Eggnog! Bacardi! Four Roes! and Brandy!
Now Fruit Cake! Cold Turkey! Gin Rickey! and Candy!
To the top of his house, to the top of his skull,
Now whack away, crack it with thumps that are dull!"
And then in a twinkling I felt on my roof
The prancing and pawing of each cloven hoof.
How long this went on I am sure I can't say,
Though it seemed an eternity plus a long day.
But finally the night after Christmas had passed,
And I found that I really could think straight at last.
So I thought of the New Year and few days away,
And I made me a vow that no tempter can sway.
I'm sticking to water, don't even want ice,
For there's nothing so tasty, or nothing so nice.
The night after New Year may bother some guys,
But I've learned my lesson, and brother, I'm wise.
You can have your rich food, and your liquor that's red,
But what goes to my stomach won't go to my head.
So here's "Happy New Year" to you one and all.
I'm back on the wagon. I hope I don't fall.
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Twas the night!!!!!
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Posted:Dec 11, 2011 8:35 pm
Last Updated:Dec 15, 2011 4:39 pm
14013 Views
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Twas the night before Christmas and Santa was pissed,
His suit was not ready, he was feeling quite dissed.
The reindeers were hung over from partying with the elves
And the gifts were not wrapped nor stocked on the shelves.
The sleigh was a shambles from the night before
When the elves got drunk and crashed it and a runner they tore.
To make matters worse the angel had not yet returned
With the tree Santa had sent him to find and adorn.
So with great resolve and commitment St Nick made repairs,
In hopes that his efforts would prevent any despair
He fastened a board for the sleigh on to race,
Since the runner was totaled, this would have to replace.
Then while his suit soaked in the tub he gathered the toys,
And boxed, stamped, and bagged them for all the girls and the boys.
Now on the line by the fire his clothing to dry
As he tried to find something to make the sled fly.
Some flying pigs from the stable just might do the trick
But who ever saw pigs fly and pulling St Nick?
The gifts in his bag went in the sleighs back,
His suit now clean and dry hung on the clothes rack.
Good ol Santa got dressed and entered the sleigh
When who should show up but the angel (he'd been gone for days)
Here's that tree that you wanted even though I'm real late
What the heck does it matter as long as its great.
So YO Santa dude, where shall I stick it to be
Which is why to this day, the angel sits on the tree.
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HAPPY THANSGIVING
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Posted:Nov 24, 2011 1:27 am
Last Updated:Dec 10, 2011 5:13 pm
14567 Views
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Thanksgiving, what does it mean to you? Most of us view this day as a time for family and friends to gather and enjoy a wonderful meal. Many of us will eat so much that we will feel sick and vow not to do that again. I view this day as a day to say thanks to those family and friends who take the time to show you they care. I want to take this time to thank those men and women who protect our families, either in the military or those who work in law enforcement and lets not forget the firefighters who also risk their lives every day so we can stay safe.
Take a moment to think about those who are less fortunate and are spending the day not knowing where their next meal is coming from or if they will have a roof over their heads to stay warm. Think of the poor who suffer the most and let us pray that they will find the love and comfort they so deserve and need. Give strength to those parents whose is missing or passed away. Holidays are the hardest to get through. I know from experience.
TO MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY
MAY YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A WONDERFUL THANKSGIVING. 
O God of all Creation:
On this occasion of our Thanksgiving, we as a nation take rest from our labors to consider your many blessings. We thank you for our freedoms, and for the opportunity to contribute our skills, our attributes and our values toward the good of society.
We thank you for the mixture of our cultures, blending us into one people under God. Help us to be a light unto other nations, and to further the cause of freedom and justice all over the world.
We remember those who are less fortunate than we. We lift up in prayer the victims of poverty and racism, and all those who suffer from forms of political and economic oppression. Let us remember that there are so many people in this country that are suffering because of unemployment, foreclosure, greed, hate, illness and pain. Let the word that goes forth from our mouths speak of your peace, and let us proclaim our hope in Christ as Savior of all humankind.
You have cared for the earth, and have filled it with your riches. Abundance flows in your steppes, through the pastures and wilderness. You provide for our land, softening it with showers, bathing it in light, and blessing it with growth.
The hills sing with joy; the meadows are covered with flocks; the fields deck themselves with wheat; and together they glorify your name!
We pray that you will bless all those who gather here, as we have come to experience your presence among us. Give us your guidance, O God, and empower us for your work. For we claim nothing for ourselves, but return all honor and glory unto you, and offer our thanks and praise. Amen.
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4
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Should I try?
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Posted:Nov 3, 2011 6:19 pm
Last Updated:Dec 8, 2011 12:07 pm
9817 Views
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A few months back I lost my job and it has been a real struggle to find something else as employment. It kind of put me in the dumps for a while and I have not even made the great effort to write much of anything.
However, my Daniel has given me a bit of hope at creating a job that I can do at home and begin to make money off of it. Blogging for profit....At first I kind of thought he was crazy when he first suggested it. What do I write about that others like to read? Well I have been told by many that I have a gift when it comes to porn material and sex in general. I have been asked to teach classes on some of the stuff I have written about when it comes to oral sex and some of the other things I write about. But would people really want to read that stuff on a blog? What do you think on the idea of having a blog where people can ask questions about sex anonymously and get answers or suggestions back. Or blogs about sexual fantasies, relationships and maybe trying out certain sex products and giving reviews on the stuff?
What do you think about it?
 
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I am so horny
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Posted:Sep 22, 2011 12:26 am
Last Updated:Oct 6, 2011 10:30 pm
9245 Views
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Wow I have gone almost two weeks without getting laid. That is a record for me. The husband has been out of town and I made a promise to him to behave while he is gone.
What was I thinking? I must have been nuts to agree to not playing while he is gone.
All I can say is this, he better be ready to get his brains fucked out when he gets home Friday, because I am horny and ready to squirt.
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5
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10 Years ago we became a stronger nation.
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Posted:Sep 11, 2011 12:52 am
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2011 3:33 pm
9038 Views
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I still remember this as if it was yesterday. I remember the fear I felt. I remember feeling helpless at not being able to help all of those that died that day. It was a day that changed this country for ever. They who committed such a horrible act thought that we would fall apart as a nation, but instead we became stronger and more united than ever. The tyrants did not break the bonds we all share, they made them bonds stronger, after all we are the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
10 years, but not forgotten.
I dedicate this to those men and women and that died that day. I dedicate this to those that lost a loved one that horrific day and I dedicate this to those men and women who risked their own life's to save others from certain dead.
I Stare in Total Disbelief
I stare in total disbelief,
heart torn with instant grief.
Plumes of black smoke fill the air,
marking a building no longer there.
I close my eyes, I want to pray,
but my mind doesn't know what to say.
Much like Pearl harbor, so many years ago,
so many gone with one fatal blow.
There are no words to explain,
there are no words to ease the pain.
To those who gave their lives,
Mothers, Fathers, Husbands and Wives,
to all who's lives today did cease,
may your soul find instant peace.
We will honor you and the life you gave,
as a Patriot of "The Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave."
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5
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I had to share....
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Posted:Sep 2, 2011 12:52 am
Last Updated:Sep 6, 2011 10:37 am
7652 Views
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A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge Heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.
Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral........I'm a gynecologist".
The proctologist fainted..
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4
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Turning off life support
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Posted:Jul 7, 2011 10:42 pm
Last Updated:Aug 20, 2011 1:55 am
8175 Views
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While most Americans were enjoying the 4th of July, my husband and I had to make the difficult decision of turning off the life support that was keeping his father alive.
For the past 9 months he had been in and out of the hospital with kidney problems. It got so bad that his kidneys quit working at all and the only way to keep him alive was to pump his body full of fluids, medication to keep his blood pressure up and antibiotics to fight the massive infections he had in his body. But the antibiotic that they used to kill the infection was hard on his kidneys and the extra fluid was hard on his heart.
The really horrible thing about all of this is the fact that his mind was intact and he was alert and talking to us but there was not a damn thing we could do to keep him alive. Too frail and sick for a transplant, too ill for dialysis and the medication they were using to keep his infections at bay were killing his heart.
How do you tell some one you care for and love that they are dying and there is not a damn thing you can do to stop it?
He must have sense that his time was close because he had told everyone that he loved them and then with-in an hour he took a turn for the worst. The doctor told us that it was only the medications that were keeping him alive and once they were stopped he would not live for more than a day. He could not stay on the medications because it was not a long term solution. So on the 4th of July we had the doctor disconnect the medications that they were giving him. He was in a coma already and he never did come to. At least he was not in pain because I had asked the doctor to give him morphine so he would not suffer. Even though he was in a coma he would moan and groan and his face would show that he was in pain, but once they began to give him morphine he just slept peacefully until his heart quit beating.
Sad way to celebrate the 4th but the way I look at it, it was a day to end the suffering and pain a love one was suffering from.
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Happy 4th of July
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Posted:Jul 2, 2011 7:41 pm
Last Updated:Jan 26, 2012 2:58 pm
8148 Views
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I Am An American
I AM AN AMERICAN...listen to my words. Listen well,for my country is a strong country, and my message is a strong message. I AM AN AMERICAN...and I speak for democracy and the dignity of the individual.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my ancestors have given their blood for freedom: On the green of Lexington and the snow at Valley Forge, On the walls of Fort Sumter and the fields at Gettysburg, On the waters of the Marne and in the shadows of the Argonne, On the beachheads of Salerno and Normandy and the sands of Okinawa. On the bare, black hills called Pork Chop and Old Baldy and Heartbreak Ridge, a million and more of my countrymen have died for freedom.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my country is their eternal monument.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my ancestors have bequeathed to me: The laughter of a small boy as he watches a circus clowns antics, the sweet, delicious coldness of the first bite of peppermint ice cream on the Fourth of July, The little tenseness of a baseball crowd as the umpire calls, Batter Up! The high school bands rendition of the Stars and Stripes Forever, in the Memorial Day parade, The clear, sharp ring of a school bell on a crisp fall morning, These and many others things they fought for and left me.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and the fruits of my thought and labor are mine to enjoy.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my happy land is a land of many realms and mansions: It is a land of Ohio corn and potatoes and pastures, It is the realm of hundreds of acres of golden wheat stretching across flat miles of Kansas, It is the land of precision assembly lines in Detroit, It is the realm of milling cattle in the stockyards of Chicago, It is the land of glowing skylines of Pittsburgh and Birmingham, of San Francisco and New York, And my churches and homes are the mansions of heaven.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and the love of God has made me free.I AM AN AMERICAN...and in my churches and homes everyone worships God in his own way: The young Jewish boy saying: Hear, 0 Israel, the Lord is One, The Catholic girl praying: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is -with thee, The Protestant boy singing: A Mighty Fortress is Our God, Each one believing and praying as he must, And all joining in the universal prayer: Our Father, who art in Heaven, with the voice in the soul of every human being that cries out to be free, I AM AN AMERICAN...and I believe that America has answered that voice.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my country offers freedom and opportunity such as no land before her has ever done:Freedom to work, as mechanic or farmer, as merchant or truck driver, Freedom to think, as chemist or lawyer, as doctor or priest, Freedom to love, as , as parent, sweetheart, husband, wife, Freedom to speak, to pray, to read, to argue, to praise, to criticize, Freedom to live one - or two - hundred million different lives.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and my heritage is of the land and of the spirit, of the heart and of the soul.
I AM AN AMERICAN...and these are my words. Show me a now a country greater than my country, a people happier than my people.
I AM AN AMERICAN...I speak for democracy and the dignity of the individual. © A. Schultz2001
Have a safe and Happy 4th of July.
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4
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Happy Father's Day
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Posted:Jun 19, 2011 12:40 pm
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2011 10:35 am
8315 Views
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Happy Father's Day to all those men out there who are involved in their 's life's and to those men who have taken on the role of being the daddy when the biological one cannot or will not be there for their . Thanks....
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3
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Poor man...lol
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Posted:Jun 12, 2011 7:45 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2011 11:58 pm
7890 Views
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A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, and it’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished. Amazingly, neither of them are hurt.
After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s nothing left but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."
The man replied, "I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!"
The woman continued, "And look at this, here’s another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn’t break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."
She then hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes several swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.
The man asks, "Aren’t you having any?" The woman replies, "No. I think I’ll just wait for the police..."
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Poor old lady...lol
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Posted:Jun 12, 2011 7:41 pm
Last Updated:Jun 15, 2011 9:46 am
7320 Views
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An 83-year old woman decided that she'd seen and done everything, and the time had come to depart from this world.
After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she came to the conclusion that the quickest and surest method would be to shoot herself through the heart.
The trouble was, she wasn't certain about exactly where her heart was, so she phoned her doctor and asked him. He told her that her heart was located two inches below her left nipple.
So she shot herself in the left kneecap.
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