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Cleverly Disquised As A Responcible Adult!!! I'm just a girl with a brain that never sleeps, it's always working nonstop. I am a survivor seeking to be a thriver, a wife, an ex-wife, a lover, a polyamorous bi-sexual, a mother, a step-mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an anima l & nature lover, an open adoption birth mother, an educator, a swinger, a cheater, an abused child and woman, a survivor of that and so many others, always striving not to be the abuser, I need a place to be, to put it all out there, "maybe if it's no longer inside of me it won't keep threatening the life it belongs to". This is my therapy couch. I appreciate you reading, commenting and watching. Thanks for listening or not.
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Time for a change
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Posted:Apr 9, 2013 10:03 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2013 2:27 pm
122027 Views
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Today was a heart wrenching day. We said goodbye to 2 of our furbabies and helped them over the Rainbow Bridge. It is never easy. Merlin would have been 12 on 5/13/13 and Honey was 15. My heart is broken but I know they are in a better place. I struggled and agonized over this decision and timing for weeks but finally found peace with it yesterday.
Then tonight in the midst of our 1st sit down family meal together family drama erupts and I'm at the hospital with my sister. Turns out it was just an anxiety attack but not the way I wanted to spend my night.
The Viking & I are on own way out of town for a late 1st Anniversary get away. Fleetwood Mac concert Thursday! This is a much needed break from the drama and super busy schedule we've had since his return.
I've got lots to write but it will have to wait.
Mostly I just wanted to thank Merlin for being my greatest comfort and companion for 12 years. He will be greatly missed but I know he is watching over me still along with my other furbabies. Until we meet again my sweet Pooba, all my love.
Merlin 5/13/01-4/09/13
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11
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Late HNW Early Fuck You Friday
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Posted:Apr 4, 2013 1:27 pm
Last Updated:Aug 2, 2018 12:12 am
294730 Views
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The Viking will have been home for a week tomorrow. We are thrilled to be back together. It hasn't quite been the homecoming full of wild sex we had hoped for thanks to my period the day after he got home and lots of family drama but it's been incredible being back with my other half. Obviously I won't be here much for a while. We are busy running around like chickens with our heads cut off preparing the rental house and for the move. You pervs take care and love each other well.
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8
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Happy HNW Late as usual & Early Fuck You Friday
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Posted:Mar 28, 2013 8:56 am
Last Updated:Apr 9, 2013 9:54 pm
126384 Views
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I think getting ready for my Viking's homecoming tomorrow is a valid excuse for being late or you could just figure I'm a day early for Fuck You Friday. Tomorrow will be the 1st Friday in over 6 months that I'm getting fucked...woohooo. Soon I'll have more Viking & Nympho Chronicles for you pervs. I'm so damn excited I can't stand it! Hope you are all having a great week.
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9
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Rogue Week
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Posted:Mar 21, 2013 7:59 pm
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2013 7:16 pm
125347 Views
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3/21/13
Rogue
All is emotional turmoil here with a week to go before my Viking is home again. The details of the move are still a huge jigsaw that I only have a random handful of pieces to at a time. My hospice hounds have all been on a slow downward spiral the last couple of weeks forcing us to accept that we can’t move them. They are competing to see who can spend the most time sleeping at my feet ever since I moved the crate inside. They aren’t dumb. They know that something big is afoot plus they are all very attuned to my moods. They tend to be more playful when I’m happy, spend more time with me when I’m sad, sick or upset, less when I’m angry or irritable. We’ve talked about and I consulted with their vets. They are all just as likely to die on the trip as make it and the house in Italy isn’t old friendly so their quality of life if they survived the move would be greatly diminished. We’d rather have them go happy with us by their sides than scared and alone or with strangers. The Viking’s oldest girl had another stroke last week and I am convinced is only hanging on in hopes of him being home soon. My old man Great Dane has had a drastic decline with his back legs and hips. I was hoping I could keep him with me until just before I leave in late May. His 12th birthday is 5/13/13 and selfishly I wanted him to see that day. I know it means nothing to him. I’m convinced now he won’t make it that long. In fact I’m just hoping that I’m not extending him too far by waiting for my Viking and I to have a little time together to say goodbye to him. I got a new pain med to try him on when I took the younger Dane to the vet today for his Italian microchip and vaccines. It is breaking my heart to have to schedule their dying like it’s another errand on our move to do list. I hate that my Viking’s homecoming has this death pall hanging over us. We are both really upset about having to let our furbabies go. Only the younger Great Dane and the parrot will be making the move with us now.
Thankfully we have a rural family/farm vet who will come to the house to put them down so they don’t have to be afraid of being in a vet’s office. This is the hardest part of giving your heart to pets, especially my giants who have an average life span of 8 years. I’ve been very lucky to have had each of my Danes 10 years or more. As much as I’d like to rescue another one immediately we have decided not to get anymore dogs until we are on our way back to the states. The expense of moving a full size Great Dane is just too high. My Viking agreed we could get a German or Italian Dane puppy to bring home.
I had a hair appointment today to have my Viking’s homecoming present done. He’s been asking me to get a white streak in my hair for years, ala Rogue. I promised him I would do it for his homecoming and kept my word today. The streak isn’t white but it’s a platinum blonde. We couldn’t get it white in one processing without frying my hair completely. I’m undecided on whether I like it or not and how long I’ll keep it. I have decided that when I’m ready to get rid of it I will dye my white streak purple! I’m torturing my Viking by not sending him any pics…lol…he has to wait until he gets home next week to see his present. His new weigh equipment was delivered yesterday and all 2000 lbs. of it is sitting on a pallet in our driveway. I’m getting his truck detailed on Monday. We have a welcome home banner and jumbo card for him plus the couple of pieces of lingerie I’ve acquired for him while he’s been gone. That will be his homecoming celebration. He made me promise not to make a big fuss or let anyone throw any big parties. Since its Easter weekend he will have to put up with my family anyway but I got us a hotel room so we can escape for a while. The waiting is killing me but at least he’s back in Italy now dealing with the Honey-Do list to get ready for the move.
I basically gave up trying to get anything with the rental house accomplished until he gets home and handles it. Too much foot dragging from the person we thought would handle it for us has us to the point where he might as well deal with it all himself while he’s home. I have to go up there to get the kitchen stuff we are shipping and his coffee maker before he gets home. Otherwise I’m slowly making my way through the house sorting for the move.
I haven’t gotten to see nearly as many of my friends as I would have liked but hospice hounds, the rental house and the move issues just haven’t left me with much free time. This is my last -free weekend before the Viking is home. I thought we were going to have a weekend of Girl’s Nights Out but it may not work out. I took Lil Bit and my niece with me to karaoke last Saturday and they had a blast.
It was the 1st time my karaoke girls and I had been out together since our other hang out closed before Christmas. There have been some rumors that I was trying to steal one of the girl’s husbands. Me a husband stealer? You’d be laughing even harder if you saw this pot-bellied asshole I am supposedly chasing. This hunted husband likes to flirt with all of his wives GF’s behind her back in an effort to find a cheater. Any of the women who reject him he tells his wife that they are chasing him and he doesn’t want her hanging out with them anymore. She was “grounded” for 3 days after our Sat night out. He literally took her phone and vehicle away for 3 days. He has made several attempts to engage me in sexual conversations which I told him in no uncertain terms wasn’t going to happen until my husband was back and I had some great sex to talk about…lol…I told our mutual friend that I would gladly bring pics of my hubby & past BF’s naked to show the absurdity of me chasing this guy. The funny thing is how this ties into the lifestyle.
The sexual overtures from the pig didn’t start until after the night that a couple who I played with in the lifestyle many years ago showed up to dinner where we karaoke. Apparently they work with the pig. They were adamant that no one know how we knew each other which I was fine with. Apparently afterwards they decided they were ok with our little group knowing just how we met but they didn’t tell me they were spilling the beans to everyone! I only found that out later when I confided in my friend J about the pig harassing me. Then it all made sense, he had an attitude of “I know you fucked other people so you better fuck me” because I’m in the lifestyle. If he has the balls to show his face around me again I plan to tell him how mistaken he is. I also plan to give the couple who outed me a piece of my mind. My Viking is hoping that he has a chance to express his displeasure with the whole scenario…lol…Should be interesting to see how this pans out.
I’m going to try to stay super busy for the next week so I don’t lose my mind anxiously waiting for my Viking. Hope you pervs are doing well and staying happy. Take care and love each other well.
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5
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Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
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Posted:Mar 17, 2013 9:24 am
Last Updated:Mar 26, 2013 7:16 pm
121422 Views
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As an authentic Plastic Patty Claire Woman I heartily wish you a most awesome day were everyone gets to be Irish! My Viking is only 9 days away!
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6
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Playing In The Shadows
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Posted:Mar 16, 2013 11:14 pm
Last Updated:Mar 19, 2013 2:36 pm
120600 Views
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My last photo shoot was all about playing with shadows. Having the shadows covering parts, while other are glaringly exposed. I feel that way right now, exposed in some ways and hidden in others. I’m struggling to just hold on emotionally until he gets home in less than 2 weeks. I wanted to get so much more accomplished while he was gone. I’m experiencing a feeling I’ve never felt before this odd anxious waiting for him to get home is very strange. I’ve never missed or wanted anyone or anything like I do my Viking. The irrational worries and fears that the end of this separation is bringing with it are odd too. I know they are normal but not for me. Compersion has gone out the window despite my higher minds efforts to retain it. The baser needs have taken over. I need, I want, I don’t want to wait. I am a black hole of need that only my Viking can fill. I cry at the slightest provocation and sometimes for no reason other than a memory. My fear of “him/us” just being all a dream I’m about to wake up from is back. I go back and read my writings and look at our pictures during our time together to be sure I am not just convincing myself now of how good we were together before he left. This is a very odd time for me. I feel like a student about to get a pass or fail grade that determines my entire future but knowing I did all I could.
I haven’t touched another person in a sexual manner in over 6 months. That isn’t a record time period of celibacy for me. I took a 2 year sexual hiatus after I gave my eldest up for adoption but I wasn’t in a relationship then. I just avoided them for 2 years. This is the first time I have ever been in a relationship and took a voluntary break from sex. I wish I could tell you it was hard but the truth is that once I couldn’t have what I wanted turning the sex switch off was easier than keeping it on. I’m more worried about turning it back on. My rational side says we will still want each other the same insane way we did before but that fear is there. Another week and a couple of days and we shall see.
Playing in the Shadows
Playing in the shadows
Waiting for the day
Hiding from the passage
Of time going too slow
Playing in the shadows
Flirting with worry and woe
Wondering if my memory
Is a fairly accurate picture show
Playing in the shadows
No longer in the shallows
Of this emotional sea
Playing in the shadows
Waiting for you to wade out to me
To pull me back from that undertow
Playing in the shadows
Knowing you will take all I give
Like thunder rolling through a stormy night
Playing in the shadows
Having a good time just for show
Secretly waiting for you to make me glow
Playing in the shadows
Never imagining such joy
Mixed with such pain
Playing in the shadows
Until you get back to me.
LAF 3/17/13
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3
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HNW - Where the Hell did my blog go?
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Posted:Mar 13, 2013 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Mar 16, 2013 7:46 am
120786 Views
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I am not happy but I am fully naked in the pics so that should help, right?
Anyone else have a case of the invisible blog. Only my header is showing with all 54 pages to tab but there are no posts.
16 more days. Too frazzled to do anything but try to stay on top of what I need to be doing in RL. Happy HNW my sexy pervs. Take care and love each other well!
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5
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Nonexitus nope not me
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Posted:Mar 10, 2013 11:13 am
Last Updated:Mar 14, 2013 4:19 pm
121231 Views
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As the exodus has progressed I’ve become even more determined to stay. In fact I wish I had more time for here. I miss writing here and there isn’t any other place I could write this way. Deep down I’m just stubborn and lazy. I have been here for 7 years, actually longer but the 1st handle and blog disappeared. 7 years I have chronicled my life here. Not always accurately because the readership requires skewing on occasion to protect the innocent and guilty alike but this has been my outlet, my therapy couch for too many years to give up now. Thank you for being with me on this journey, even if you are silent.
My ends are very frazzled right now. You would think that as the time gets shorter it would get easier since I know this purgatory is almost over. Doesn’t seem to be working that way for me or at least not for long, like a pendulum swinging faster the closer we get to my Viking’s homecoming. The poor man spent more than one morning lately talking me out of a funk. I’m cranky, short-tempered, hurting, cold, impatient and have my period! UGHHHH. The weather is killing me with the flip flopping, 68 day and then 28-30 degree nights, a couple days of rain and storms then freezing again. My Viking is in flux getting ready to leave where he’s been working and head back to Italy. That is great except that it means my communication with him is severely limited. Yes I know I’m a spoiled bitch, I’m still getting my daily phone call which is a lot more than lots of wives get. Still I’m terrified something will happen to him right before he’s due to be home. I’m so ready for this to be over.
I’m still very busy but am at least getting a day or 2 a week that I get to sleep as much as I can. I have been sleeping better when I do sleep. The busier I am the less often I’m up all night but I do have to take Ambien or something else to get me to sleep a lot more often. Always with the trade-offs.
Of course fate has decided that the move and GC cookies are not enough stress. I got the pleasure of calling my mom last night to tell her that the family here suspected my sister is doing drugs, again. About 7 years ago she started regaining childhood memories. No, not the warm and fuzzy kind but bits and pieces of years of abuse we suffered both together and separately. She turned to drugs as a way to escape the resurfacing trauma. A DUI or 2 later with the threat of the state taking custody of her she signed over temporary custody to my aunt. I went to the courthouse with my mom and stepdad to sign papers to have her involuntarily observed for 72 hours so that she could get into a treatment plan. She struggled with not resorting to drinking and pain pills during those 7 years with several surgeries but stayed sober. This is a small town, people talk and the last few weeks many people have mentioned her being seen in places and with people she shouldn’t be if she doesn’t want people to think she is doing hard core drugs again. Today one of the other family members confronted her with it. Of course she is denying but we are all hoping that we have caught it early enough to help her pull herself out of it. Ultimately there is nothing anyone can do, it’s up to her and always has been but now she has 2 girls who rely on her for the only stability in their lives. Some drama you can just turn off and walk away, other you just have to minimize the damage. My heart is breaking and tons of old issues will resurface as she struggles with this. Survivor’s guilt isn’t just for those who live when someone dies.
Tonight was karaoke and there were supposed to be about 7 of us going as a group but they all flaked and bailed on me. Luckily, my favorite Uncle wanted a DD and one of my cousins and his wife wanted to hang out. My singing was widely encouraged and a good time was had by all. I can’t wait until my biggest fan is home to cheer me on and tuck me in when it’s time for bed.
I have a long day of custom Great Dane crate pick-up, furniture and motorcycle moving. There’s lots more to write about but that’s all I can manage for now. Take care my friendly pervs. I hope everyone is having a good weekend.
For bonus point trivia: How big do you think the Great Dane crates are?
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5
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Happy HNW March!
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Posted:Mar 7, 2013 12:07 am
Last Updated:Mar 9, 2013 10:52 am
110350 Views
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Without LuLu here to remind me it is Wednesday you may get HNW on Thursday from me. Time frames have shifted a bit and I'm just hoping that we still get at least a month together. Current count down is 23 days! I'm bitchy, impatient, cranky and on the rag. Go forth and be happy pervs! So commandth your favorite QPFB!
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3
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Happy HNW - 27 Days Give or Take a few
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Posted:Feb 27, 2013 4:02 pm
Last Updated:Mar 7, 2013 10:42 am
111838 Views
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We are under the 30 day mark! I'm so excited I can't stand the waiting. I've been warned that the date may move again. That's ok because in my head I set April 1st as the date. We'll be lucky if he makes it back by then. As long as it's before our anniversary I'll be happy.
I'm really stressed out about getting all the animals moved but we think we have the best option figured out. We'll see. There's still pieces of the puzzle missing. I am constantly doing something move related or cookie related. I've about had it with GC and cookies. We are discussing ending early.
I know as irrational as it is the minute he's home and I'm back in his arms that all of this will seem like no big deal.
Back with you
Time for sleep
but I'm counting minutes
instead of sheep.
I close my eyes
hoping to dream of you
on the good nights I do.
I wake every morning
wishing I'd find
you curled around me keeping me warm.
I can't reach this
or pick up that
then I'm putting back on my "Missing you" hat.
Looking for concerts
and things to do
when all I want is
Back with you.
2/19/13 LAF
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6
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Bonus HNW!
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Posted:Feb 20, 2013 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Feb 27, 2013 6:31 pm
111133 Views
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QPFB Celebrates the return of the Viking's Nympho!
Go forth and be happy pervs.
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To link to this blog (PurplePeach72) use [blog PurplePeach72] in your messages.
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