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| Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
older than dirt
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older than dirt i was at the doctors this week we were chatting as we always do (i've known him since i was around 40) about a myriad of things, but ended up on stuff about getting older. he told me if i dyed my white hair it would have more body. I replied yeah, but then I would have to keep doing it and no offense, i'm just not that good at keeping up with stuff like that. so as we gamboled through the grasses of aging, the folks around us started listening in and adding to our list of the indignities. bad breath - a result not of anything other than the happenings inside yourself - you can brush, eat mints, have good teeth, not drink coffee or smoke cigarettes and you still may have the breath of a corpse you fart more - or at least you fart longer and louder. no sweet little airy things you squeeze off soundlessly in a crowded room. nope. these are rippers. perfectly fine if you're alone. but in company, best to start in a quiet corner and keep moving so you spread the wealth. you either sleep like the dead or you don't sleep at all. i sleep like the dead. Doctor G dozes. two of the other old farts there were dead sleepers too. one said his grandson pokes him to make sure he's alive.........snork. And when you do wake up, you don't spring out of bed. you roll over and you test the waters. you straighten up and place both your feet carefully. and if you're lucky and DON'T have arthritis you walk, but if you do have arthritis you kinda shamble a few paces to find balance. Either way, you find yourself waiting until your hips catch up and your shoulders find a spot level to them before you move on. and then you hit the bathroom....that's first. no fooling around doing anything else.....bathroom first. in fact the bathroom may have been part of your night already 2-4 times. sighs. you make an old person noise. when you sit. when you lay down. when you raise a cup of joe to your lips. hell, pretty much everything you do is punctuated with an old person noise. you talk to yourself. course a lot of folks do that. however if you weed out the schizophrenics, the majority that are left are old folks. seein' yourself yet? you forget things. and words and where you were headed and why. now in and of itself this isn't such a terrible thing unless they all happen at once. bad enough not to know why you're in the kitchen, but just try explaining why, when you can't find the word you want. or better yet, " yes officer, i did mean to get that whatchamacallit changed last month when i was going to oh damn you know, beside the place with the big clam shack....serves those little lobster thingies" this only works if the officer is local, over 50. in which case he's already filling in the blanks for you. and when you laugh too hard, you pee a little.....so you should always go to the bathroom before a meeting or a dinner or well, just about anything. but especially sex because sex is funnier now that you're older...or maybe it's just not as serious. but anyway, it' okay to laugh now....encouraged even. thank goodness. and if you don't pee first, I guarantee, halfway through, you'll need to. you eat less, but you enjoy it more. you enjoy everything more i think. maybe because you take a little more time and you're not always hurrying on to the next thing. friends are like comfortable shoes or worn in jeans. they fit. and if they don't you just don't put them on as often. it's easier to do what you want and not what you should. it's easier to say i don't know. and thank you. and i love you, and i'm sorry. it's even easier to say good bye. oh it still hurts like a mofo but it's easier.. gravity is a bitch but then so is pride. and i've earned every wrinkle so i'm not as vain as i once was. i do the best i can with what I have and figure that's that. i like the way my mind wanders now. it moves around more and my thoughts and ideas weave little tapestries. no more straight lines....pfft. and when i close my eyes to sleep i see a slide show of colors and mandalas that is something else, like LSD but without the sweats. i cannot move like i remember moving, no more running like a deer fast across a field but i can appreciate the wonder of nature in ways I never did before and i can feel the pain of another in my own heart and though I will never be able to sing a note worth listening to, I sing all the time. yes, i sometimes forget and yes, i sometimes ache but i laugh harder than i ever did. and with a greater abandon. i don't care if someone thinks, who is that crazy lady over there laughing because it is the laughter that is important. and when that day comes and i find myself unable to laugh, i will know that i am ready to go. laughter and tears : they both do the same thing for the body. remarkable. so don't let the motherfuckers steal your joy. oh, and never eat refried beans the night before a car trip.  You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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9/4/2016 2:18 pm |
I have to agree with almost all you write. It'a a bitch, but still better than the alternative.
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post saying I posted You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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SIGH...it's all so true....especially the laughter....it's the stuff that keeps us alive.  ~~Anais Nin~~
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I've been close to death a few times, so I don't mind getting old. Loved the piece you wrote. Ron.
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Nothin' wrong wi' fartin' McWickster. By that reasoning I have always been decades ahead of my time!! 
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I think we should not think so much about the things that are going to happen as we age. Unfortunately it is something that we can not reverse. When I have a bad day I think that there are so many people who are unfortunate and struggle everyday with health or other problems. Young people and children. As long as we have no major health issues I say we are ok.
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And they say retirement is your time to enjoy life....  I have enough problems with names, words and what I was doing or going to do as it is... I'm not looking forward to it getting worse.   Vive La Difference
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I'm with you, my dear. It 's the forgetting that is driving me mad.....
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Oh yeah baby. I have most of these but it could be much much worse, right?   
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You know, I have to say...I love getting older. I mean, I truly love getting older. I don't care about the changes...I actually love them. The laughing and peeing, a little? I find it hysterical, then I pee some more  Live life to it's fullest! If you're bored, Read Hugs Gypsy
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This evidently is my year to ponder such things. I wouldn't have guessed I would be at that stage at 50 (in my mind, it was more like a when I'm 80 kind of thing) but have a couple big health scares and the timeline changes. While I've been known to lament some of the changes - most especially physically - of getting older, the truth is that each year gets better for me. Even this year which ranks up in the top 10 (and maybe even top 5) hardest years of my life. Each year I'm more me - I unpack more baggage, I let go of more shoulds, I appreciate my strengths more, I accept my weaknesses better. I cry more but I laugh harder. I'm more emeshed and feel a greater connection to my village. I appreciate more and am fall on my knees grateful at the abundance in my life. And I"m far quicker to see the bigger picture and how individual events matter (or don't). Really what it boils down to is that I love wholeheartedly - both myself and others. That's a beautiful thing. The rest? Yep, I use humor just like you. And I'm totally ok with being the crazy lady and people wondering what the hell I'll do next  I heart you! xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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All true there! Your right about your hair as well. It takes too much to keep up with the colouring of it. I think we had a few good laugh as they are true. hugsss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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i think one line says it all: and when that day comes and i find myself unable to laugh, i will know that i am ready to go the same with work. when i am no longer having fun, it is time to go.
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Don't dye your hair! I think it's beautiful. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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I love that whole series of photographs. Sometimes, when I'm in love, I've seen like a blurry triptych of my beloved as young, middle aged, and old. We carry all of it within us. Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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It's crazy to pass by a mirror and see yourself...as you really are. I've learned to live with it. As for the forgetting, I have always had that issue. I hate the amount of time I spend looking for stuff. I've been fortunate health wise, so I have no complaints about the wrinkles, dry skin, weight gain, etc.
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