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| Blogs > Mikey0419 > Clever/unique title goes here |
First things first, know who you are
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First things first, know who you are "Look thou character. Give thy thoughts no tongue (...) Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice (...) Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement (...) This above all- to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man." - Hamlet (Act 1, scene 3, lines 545-565) This blog is about the importance of self-awareness, insight and being who we really are. My journey to know who I am began with a failed marriage. So many questions remained and not a sole - except for my inebriated friends whose consolations took a blended form of apathy, machismo and misogyny - to answer them. How had this happened? Who had I become? How could it start so promising and end so abruptly and with mutual aversion to one another? Is this me? Me. Myself. Who am I and how did I get here? Who was I in that marriage? Who had I become? Self-discovery is a lexicon described by emotions, feelings and urges; it's a basic yet complicated foundation from which we operate. The key is asking the right questions, being honest, open, willing and objective. One must take risks, gain experience and learn both from success and (more importantly) from failure. No easy task for sure, but it is entirely possible. Here is an example. What is an ideal romantic relationship for you? Is it NSA? Is it monogamy? What value do you place on honesty? Communication? Money? Physical attraction? Education? Think about it for a minute and truly conceive of this 'ideal' situation. Now ask yourself: why? Why do you want what you want? I'll use myself as an example. I want a positive, mutually-beneficial and agreed upon NSA with someone who I have at least somewhat of a connection with. What is a 'connection'? It's a recognition that we are similar people looking for similar things from each other. I place a very high value on honesty and communication, as well as interaction and chemistry. I want to believe that we both want the same thing. I want to know they will not be clingy and I want them to know that I am secure in myself and will not reach out incessantly. I want the interaction to be positive and the small talk to be productive and cooperative. I want them to be within a certain age, certain physical appearance, etc. All the while, I am honest with myself. I take care of myself. I hold a conversation, but I don't do most of the talking. I am confident. I am honest. I do not delude myself into thinking something is a certain way. I give what I expect. I make no apologies for what I expect because I know I offer the genuine, real me. Without self-knowledge I would not know what I want and why. Do not apologize for who you are. Own it. Test it. Apply yourself out in the world and see what happens. When I was younger I used to spend a lot of time by myself, shy, not really interacting with people. It was mainly due to insecurity I now realize. Back then, I could not figure out what exactly it was that kept me so closed off. I was afraid to be me and I did not want to be rejected. I didn't test who I was, I just assumed. I would argue that we all want to be wanted in some regard. Sometimes, we want this so much so that we put forward a modicum of who we are to test the waters. I used to lack the courage to be my true self, so I was always wearing some mask and being some version of who I am. The real you is honest, genuine and consistent. Take the time to learn about yourself and have the courage to be who you are. Anything else is an exercise in frustration, futility and disappointment. My marriage failed - in part - because I felt I had to be the "alpha" and stand my ground without regard to the relationship's health and well-being. I was not brave enough to be vulnerable. I acted out of fear and insecurity and consequently created more of the same in my own life. Be brave. Be honest. Be open-minded. Be willing. Learn from your mistakes and go make some more. And realize that you are not alone. We are all trying to figure this out, one day at a time. |
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1 post 7/22/2017 8:14 pm |
I am so impressed with your post.
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