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Disappointment
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Disappointment Don't ya just hate being disappointed???? Either you've been having a nice connection with someone online, only to exchange pics and realize there is NO physical attraction.... I hate when that happens, and I am not the shallow type, but I do know what I like and am attracted to. Thoughts on this? Do you share pics right off the bat and cross people off your list that you can possibly have a connection with or do you exchange pics later with the possibility of being disappointed (or disappointing someone else) later??? -Thoughts from Secret- |
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It's a problem across all internet dating sites - picture or no picture. Seems bonkers to not have a photo early on, but frankly it is far worse to start with a photo or 7 and chat, phone or even Skype and then find there is no chemistry in the flesh. Chemistry is literally that - the smell of pheromones and what makes people, click or repel when they meet. Millions of years of evolution has it sorted, way beyond what we think we know is attractive. It is called accelerated intimacy - people talk for hours on the phone, have have cyber sex and then realise the person in the flesh is as attractive in reality as a dalek traffic warden. The best way is to meet asap if you like the look of someone - have a coffee or a dry martini and then fuck off to bed or in opposite directions. Then do it again.
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Exchanging pics early is good; having a real-time video chat is better.
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Some of us are a little more cautious about sending out photos just because of the risk of being randomly recognized (which is more of an issue for some of us than others), but beyond that... It depends a lot on the interaction. Sometimes one requests a pic early on, for whatever reason (want to decide on attractiveness early, just want a face to put the conversation to, etc.), sometimes not. We can be disappointed anywhere along the line. It can be due to a first photo that just doesn't fit with what we'd hoped for, or a line of conversation that unexpectedly went somewhere, or an odd expression of interest or request that reaches a bit outside where you thought things were going... The photo's just the most visually obvious case of such a thing.
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7/31/2015 12:27 pm |
I met my wife in an internet chat room (not a sex/dating site), before internet dating became more prevalent. Our initial conversations were concerned mainly with our common interest, but fairly quickly became more personal, until we exchanged photos. Then we talked on the phone for a while, and eventually we met. We are still together 16 years later and very much in love. The whole interaction was totally honest and (I think) nothing was held back. I don't recall that either of us was disappointed with the others picture, but by then we had got to know each other pretty well so visual cues weren't so important (not that we are bad looking anyway, haha)
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All good points...I know disappointment is part of it, but it sucks sometimes.And no one wants to get stuck with the wrong kind of suck. 
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