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Personal Dilemma, do I settle?
Personal Dilemma, do I settle? Ok, so I finally found a truly kind person with similar interest as me, similar life values, hard working, independent, pretty, even sexy in many way, and we share mutual friends. and she's a great cook and send me home with care packages all the time. She even buys me beer sometimes. Our families blend well too. Many things in life folks hope for are here in our relationship. The problem is, she's boring in bed. She love sex, but just straight forward, good old fashion missionary sex. And I do 95% of all the work/effort. I'm not sure I can handle our intimate relationship just being very boring sex? She love when I give her oral, but doesn't return the favor unless I politely kinda force the issue, and then it is a bit awkward and she doesn't let me cum in her mouth and will surely never swallow. She loves when I finger her and use toys on her, but when she gives me a hand job she's very awkward and it is like work to her, not pleasure. I find pleasure in pleasing my partner in many ways. She is learning to enjoy being rimmed, but I am sure she'll never go there with me, she won't even massage my ass because I think she's afraid I'll want her to finger or use toys on me. And I know she doesn't want to receive actual anal sex. I'm okay with that. It's not for everyone. But she does gives great neck and should massages. With that said, I want her to give my ass some playful romantic attention in the worst way. She does loves when I rub her butt and playfully spank her. So what do I do? I'm hope for a chance to grow together. It doesn't have to be all at once. Heck the journey can be a big part of the fun, but she doesn't give any indication that she's willing to explore. Am I an asshole for finding such a great person and wanting more? I have been very honest with her about my mild perversions. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to open up about my frustrations a bit. |
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I've given all this a lot of thought and had meaningful conversations with my g/f. It is surely worth the effort to work on this and see where things go. I know there are no guarantees, but she's a beautiful, fun, loving and strong person. I am a luck man to have this relationship and opportunity. She deserves my best and faithful effort.
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I would have a very frank discussion with her. Ask her if she enjoys lovemaking. What she might want to explore. Ask if she wants to learn new sexual activities. Let her know how much it turns you on to have her touch in the various ways. How erotic it is for her to masturbate. Treat her like a virgin and see if she has any interest in becoming more sexually awakened.
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Count your Blessings, there are far more positive things that you mentioned. The question is how much do you value the physical relationship, u must answer that for yourself. Think of this scenario....you find someone whom is just what you want in bed...but lacking most other things....you go for it....and then something perhaps physical happens and she no longer is your tigress in bed. What are you left with. At our age, finding someone who checks off many of our boxes is a gift. A certain population /age group of females were socialized that sex is only for procreation, not pleasure. She may have to unlearn some of that. Only you and she know if she is willing to do so. To me....it doesnt say you re an asshole....just smacks of shallowness by placing more value on something physical and not realizing that the inner qualities endure, speak to ones soul and is the basis for intimacy. ~
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You need to sit down and talk to her about everything. She might have it set in her head good girls don't do that and it's the case it will take some time . Good luck
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I would have a very frank discussion with her. Ask her if she enjoys lovemaking. What she might want to explore. Ask if she wants to learn new sexual activities. Let her know how much it turns you on to have her touch in the various ways. How erotic it is for her to masturbate. Treat her like a virgin and see if she has any interest in becoming more sexually awakened.
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Count your Blessings, there are far more positive things that you mentioned. The question is how much do you value the physical relationship, u must answer that for yourself. Think of this scenario....you find someone whom is just what you want in bed...but lacking most other things....you go for it....and then something perhaps physical happens and she no longer is your tigress in bed. What are you left with. At our age, finding someone who checks off many of our boxes is a gift. A certain population /age group of females were socialized that sex is only for procreation, not pleasure. She may have to unlearn some of that. Only you and she know if she is willing to do so. To me....it doesnt say you re an asshole....just smacks of shallowness by placing more value on something physical and not realizing that the inner qualities endure, speak to ones soul and is the basis for intimacy. ~
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You need to sit down and talk to her about everything. She might have it set in her head good girls don't do that and it's the case it will take some time . Good luck
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It sounds to me like inexperience and insecurity. Have you talked with her about her past experiences? If she's the same age as you are then she probably has a 'good girls don't do that' mind set. I'd give it some time.
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It sounds to me like inexperience and insecurity. Have you talked with her about her past experiences? If she's the same age as you are then she probably has a 'good girls don't do that' mind set. I'd give it some time. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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We all settle at times with some things in life. Pick your priorities. I will not swallow or go near a butthole, mine or his. Its my no negotiation and if it is a problem with my lover then we can end it. My comfort is just as important as his. Sexual compatibility is important. Intimacy does go beyond the bedroom.
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That is my concern also. Thank you for your thoughts.
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We all settle at times with some things in life. Pick your priorities. I will not swallow or go near a butthole, mine or his. Its my no negotiation and if it is a problem with my lover then we can end it. My comfort is just as important as his. Sexual compatibility is important. Intimacy does go beyond the bedroom.
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