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| Blogs > ineedyounow55 > The Blow Job Expert is in. |
Some really funny comeback to rude people.
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Some really funny comeback to rude people. Only comeback I'd ever had the pleasure of making myself was at a Walgreens. I was behind some bitch in line who was generally trying to make the cashier's job a living nightmare, berating the girl, insisting she'd been given the incorrect amount of change, etc. The poor girl behind the counter was just trying to be nice and get through a single bad customer. After she said something about "The worst help I've ever had" I just replied "Hey, give the lady a break." Not overtly hostile, but she hardly turned to me and sneered "Why don't you mind your own business?" With all the quick-thinking I could muster, I just responded "Lady, I'm a veterinarian. Bitches are my business." The few amassed customers and the cashier looked like they were gonna lose it- the lady gave me a glare that could chill bones, but she decided to just ignore me for the rest of her transaction- but she hightailed it out of that fucking Walgreen's.In hindsight, I'm pretty lucky she didn't escalate the conflict. I was late for class and my lecturer tried to embarrass me by saying "Nice of you to join us we were just defining female sexual pleasure" and then I said "so was I". I've never felt so dapper. My proudest moment in comebacks. Me and my friend were in a movie theater bathroom taking a piss. He always likes to try and make me feel uncomfortable in public places so he says "What's wrong with your dick man? It has a red ring around it you should get it checked out." Without missing a beat I go "Yeah it's your mother's lipstick." Dumbstruck silence from my friend while the man next to us is shaking with laughter. As we leave the bathroom we walk past the guy and he's telling his friends what I had said. It was very rewarding. I was once in a hotel elevator headed down to the lobby. I took out my phone to get directions to the bar where I was meeting my friends. A woman in the elevator, who was part of a group of people I don't know, sneered at my phone and said "Ugh I hate technology." To which I replied, "then why aren't you taking the stairs?" Her friends erupted in laughter and she was completely destroyed. I was at a local sandwich shop on my lunch break one day, and while I was eating, a man in his twenties came up to me (a male) and said hello. I kindly responded back with a hello, to which he said "You look really sharp," (I was wearing slacks, a dress shirt and tie). I thanked him for the compliment, but he wasn't done. He said, "I don't normally do this, but I figured I might as well give it a shot. Would you like to ever go out to dinner with me sometime?" Me, being the heterosexual male I am, just said, "Thank you for the compliment, but no thank you." He said okay and walked out, leaving me to finish my sandwich. One thing about this sandwich shop is its right next to a high school, so high schoolers frequent it at lunch time, and this day was no different. As I finish my sandwich I proceed to walk out. Next to the exit is a group of 3 guys from the local school, and as I pass, one of them looks up at me, snickers, and says, "Fag." Now, how do you react to a 15 year old punk calling you a fag? You certainly can't lecture them, because it will just go in one ear and out another. You can't yell at them, because it makes you look their age. What should I do? Without even thinking, I turned around, looked at his sandwich, grabbed it and took a huge bite. I chewed it slowly, put it back on his plate, and walked away not saying a word. His face was priceless; just a blank stare at his plate with a gaping mouth. All his two friends could muster out through their wheezing laughs were, "Oh shiiiiiit." The never said a word. I never turned around; just walked back to my car and left. I had a math teacher in high school who was well known for his outstanding ability to compute fairly complex calculations in his head. He rarely made errors, when he did he usually caught it before the rest of the class did. One day he didn't and this girl pipes up in the back of the class, and tells him he made an error. Naturally he checks his work and she is correct. He thanks her and tries to move on with the lesson. For the next minute the girl said some of the most hurtful things I imagine a teacher could hear. I dont remember the details but I remember her last sentence was "I cant believe you made such a huge mistake". He took a moment, thought about what she said, turned his back to her and said "now your parents and I have something in common." She got up quietly and dropped the class that day. Oh man I have a good one! It was in my U.S. History class in high school. There were those students who were always noisy and obnoxious. They'd also pick on the teacher. He was a lighthearted 60-something old man with neat white hair. He had a great sense of humor so he never gave it much thought. One day, one of loud dudes was like "Hey Mr. Morgan, you know you look exactly like Colonel Sanders?", to which he quickly responded "Is that why your mom says I'm so finger licking good?" on an NYC subway car my grandma's friend was sitting with her and as they were talking, her friend absent mindedly started staring at a young group of men. Trying to be tough one of them called over to her, saying "hey old woman what the hell are you lookin at?", and without missing a beat she replied "I'm not sure but when I figure it out I'll let you know". Was out one time with a very good friend of mine, some friends and their friends. Anyway I just happen that these two very nice looking girls were left with me and my mate while rest of the others were getting drinks or food. We all just did the usual small talk and then it died off, those 'hot' girls were really not interested in us regular looking blokes. So after about 5mins of uncomfortable silence and ho humming. One of the girls looking around says out loud to the other girl making sure we hear it as well. "I wonder where all the good looking guys are at?" I instantly thought "you low scum bitch!" as if that was not directed at us, and my mate who had some self-esteem issues as it was just started to hang his head slowly and slouch. Without missing a beat I retorted "they are all probably with all the good looking girls." My mate wore the widest grin I had ever seen, and I obviously had a smirk on my face I could not hide. So the two "hot" girls made humph sound and excused themselves never to be seen again. I am who I am and I am not going to change for anyone, so don't ask!         |
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Test....test.....test......test.....test.....test  I am who I am and I am not going to change for anyone, so don't ask!
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Test....test.....test......test.....test.....test
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