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A LOVE THAT IS GONE
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A LOVE THAT IS GONE I met the man I loved, XXXXXXXX XXXXX, from XXXXXXX at the XXXXXXXXXX room of XXX. Yes, he was a kind, loving, and beautiful man inside and out. Any woman will be lucky to have him for he has the qualities of a good person and lover wrapped up his personality. Everything went so well for the two of us. We spent so much time earnestly discussing together things about our future and there was so much what we call as true intimacy between two souls. He taught me so much about life, its realities and true love. We were both set out for each other and I admit I have never loved the way I loved him. I have never been as honest and true to anyone as I am to him. I told him everything, my suitors/ex bf's, my insecurities, my problems, my family...just opened up everything to him. In the middle of our relationship, he got upset with me coz of my sexy pics at XXX that can be seen by men. He was thinking I was still seeking men’s attention at XXX. It wasn’t my intention to hurt him He claimed he is not a jealous type. Then it was settled. So we moved on and everything was smooth. He sees me at the chat room where we met and saw my pics again. He knows too well that whenever im in the XXXXXXXXXX room of XXX i seldom do talk to anyone. He suspected me that I was looking for attention of another man. That I am putting myself into trouble for my own behavior. Then time came he went gone and I wasn't able to chat with him. All since then I began to worry so much and found ways and means of communicating him like sms, offline messages, and phone calls, but he was always out of contact. I went crazy thinking. I was, indeed, physically, mentally, and emotionally tortured thinking about him. It's truly so hard when you feel so much true feelings for the person you really love the most. I did all I could. Oh yes after a week, he did talked to me..at last! All the while I thought he wanted me back but instead he accused me of being a liar and a cheater. I never thought that the man I have so much respect could say bad words to me…and even send me nasty icons. Now I firmly believe love is gone! What would you expect of my response? After all the physical, emotional, and mental stress, worries, honesty, sincerity and true love I have for him, he would just unreasonably conclude that way.The most painful of all.... is that it seems XXX and I are now history. It’s really tearing me apart. He just doesn’t know am suffering and in too much pain now. I thought he loved and trusted me as much as I do to him, but I was wrong. And I hope I am really wrong. I can't believe even until now that he ended everything. And I couldn't believe he just did. Should I suspect of other things than that? Is it wrong to completely love him with all my life? I told him once that I was afraid to give all of me, afraid to get hurt again. He comforted me not to be afraid, since there is no reason to. Then I have given him all of me, and now another heart wounds that is so deep. Now I am afraid that I won't be able to love again. Truly the greatest handicap in life is FEAR, the hardest thing to do is MOVING ON. What we both shared is never a waste of time. I am no longer waiting, because the hardest of it is hoping and expecting for nothing. I don’t know if I would still be able to define love again in its real essence and nature after him. If you have read this XXX (i know that you know who you are), I want to thank you for loving me, and for everything you unselfishly shared with me. THANK YOU SO MUCH. And whether you believe it or not I did loved you with all of my heart.  |
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1/7/2007 12:51 am |
Hi Blush, Sorry you're hurting. When we're in a new relationship, we overlook the clues that would keep our love carefully in check until we know more about the other person. I am guilty of the same thing. I think we deliberately don't see the clues because we're desperate for that connection called love. Every woman I've loved has cheated on me so I guess I'm not very good at seeing reality myself. Why was your friend in the chat rooms? Was he looking? Or was he checking on you? Either would be a killer to a relationship. We all need our privacy and the freedom to follow our needs. That doesn't mean that we aren't totally in love or that we would do something harmful to our relationship. You may not realize it yet but this relatinship is over or at least damaged beyond repair. Time does help. Try to focus on finding a friend to keep your mind busy. It doesn't have to be a sexual friendship, just someone who cares and can find ways to add some cheerfulness to your life. My best wishes for you.
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Blush, Thanks for letting me know about your blog. I am so sorry for the loss of the relationship you have gone through. I hope writing about it and talking about it to all of your friends here and offline will make things feel better for you. YOU know how much we all care for and about you. I am so proud of you !! Hugs and Hang in there babe,things will get better and easier. Anastasia666 I done made the devil a deal He made me pretty He made me smart 
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1/8/2007 3:52 am |
Blush, Do not creep along from day to day, at such a petty pace, but instead, know that you have done nothing wrong, and do not deserve to suffer the wrath of this thing we call l.o.v.e. Some things were just never meant to be, and our destiny sometimes takes us down desolate roads, but at the next crossroad, look up, and there I will be, with my hands out stretched, and a warm smile, to take you down another path, not so cold, not so painful, not so full of empty promises, and most importantly, not so lonely... Your loving friend..... Fuzzy
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1/8/2007 11:55 am |
Blush Love is just mystery and goes when you not ready to loose it. But men are just selfish when loved by a nice person like you. Just move on he never deserve you. The pain of heart breaking is endless.Am still carring mine for the last 2 years.Reason why i cant trust but have to end on day. So great for you to not reavel who he is. Kiss
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1/8/2007 3:24 pm |
Let's get to the bottom line here, U connected most wonderfully to a person who couldn't commit, for whatever reason that only they might/might not know. He may have appreciated u and catred about U, but he may also have been hurt a few times as well, and decided in his own way to get out first...He has lost a most wonderful person and companion. I find a majority of men are insecure, and this just another example. I hope u heal, u r not meant to be "wasted" on such types. If U want to discuss this further, get me on e mail or the yellow smiley, I'll leave u a brief note there so u know it was me. Smile, there is not enough of that going on.
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1/8/2007 3:27 pm |
Let's get to the bottom line here, U connected most wonderfully to a person who couldn't commit, for whatever reason that only they might/might not know. He may have appreciated u and cared about U, but he may also have been hurt a few times as well, and decided in his own way to get out first...He has lost a most wonderful person and companion. I find a majority of men are insecure, and this just another example. I hope u heal, u r not meant to be "wasted" on such types. If U want to discuss this further, get me on e mail or the yellow smiley, I'll leave u a brief note there so u know it was me.Smile, there is not enough of that going on.
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1/27/2007 12:42 am |
Blush am so sorry..i was hurt on here to..so no what your feeling..but i learn something from that..i will never love a guy on Senior Sizzle..i will get to no the person first..real good..never going to put myself in that way..guys on here do not no the meaning of love..they will say anything .push the right buttons then wam its over..they love messing with our heart and twist it and step on it..Blush my heart goes out to you..but try to be strong ok..get to no the guy real good befor you fall for him..i think i no who hurt you..but will not say here..i no one thing,,hes controlling..so better you see what kind of jerk he is..hes a loser..your beautiful and you will find the right one..just be real careful here..thinking of you Blush phonda
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Hi, Blush, I'm a little confused. Did you actualy meet the guy... in person? Or, are you referring to meeting him on Senior Sizzle? If you did not meet the guy in person, you put too much stock into an online 'relationship' - only a reality in your own mind. I had one of those. I e-mailed and phoned with a woman in HK for six years till she came to visit, and I guess it did not turn out to be as intense as we thought after several days in person, though I know we both had a very good opinion about each other. It had to have been different than the online, cause the 'relationship' similar to what you described (except with out the chatrooms & 'sexy pics') just kind of petered out within a couple of months after meeting for real. So, I view this site as a means to a real life meeting, not to share all my personal feelings , inadequacies, family quirks, and all the other deep emotional type things that you offered up on this site alone, cause you will build a rosy mental picture that is rarely supported in a real life exchange. Just my 2 cents. Sorry for your hurt feelings. I - can- see why he decided to bag out first though. Clearly he felt your continued use of the chat room and your pics being available there was an affront to him and said "no loyalty - player" to him, and he decided to cut his losses and move on. Most guys do not want to have what they percieve as an extended drama over why or what the reason is that the gal they are interested in - is still showing up in a chat room with her sexy pics on display to all. THAT is what sunk your love boat. You need to ask yourself, honestly, why you were still there, and you will probably find your answer that the inetnseness of your 'love' was still too superficial to support a 'real love affair'. But, I do sympathize with your pain.
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hi discoverinyou, thanks for ur comment... now about my continuous use of chatroom, he knows too well that i am having problems connecting with any messengers so we both agreed we can still go to that chatroom so we could both talk to each other (privately). i dont go there to flirt. whenever he sees me there i am just quiet waitin for him. and as to my pics i hid them first but he asked me y i hid them coz he wants to see them from time to time...so i have to post them again for him..but decided to hide them in the end.. well the truth came out..all were just excuses coz he wanted out of the relationship coz maybe am not as aggressive as the other girls on net... anyways i have moved on with my life...and not waitin or expecting anything from him anymore..i still hope he is happy
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